What do you REALLY bring to the table AND does the other side VALUE it the SAME way YOU DO?

This is a SUPER HOT topic that I HOPE generates a lot of internal conversation!  It's been incredibly helpful in my personal and professional growth... not to mention my mental stability.

Every time I start to complain or pity myself or deflect responsibility.... I take the emotion out of it and analyze it!  Sometimes I discover it is my fault and I have control over the outcome.  Other times I discover that it is something I do not have control over so therefore I have to decide if I am going to accept it or move on.  Here is a funny example at my personal expense to set the stage for an open and honest dialogue intended to inspire you to look at your life as it is currently and access what it will take for you to achieve happiness.

Women... we are competitive by nature.  Anytime we get in a new relationship we have done all of the investigating on ex's, current interests etc. so we can 'measure' where we stand.  Hell.... if we spent that kind of energy strategizing our professional lives.... we could take over the world in a heartbeat!

Oh and gentleman.... you can thank me privately.... 'cause I'm about to blow your mind and illustrate a behind the scenes account as to the  levels of CRAZY women are.

Here is the problem... as we go down the list.... she has this, I have this, she does this I do that.....
We FORGET to add the most important part - WHAT DOES THE OTHER PARTY VALUE?

Here goes a visual for your viewing pleasure (please note - I have actually completed this exercise many times and it took many years for me to figure out it was worthless until I added the third column) SMH

Yellow indicates what I value.  Blue indicates what HE values....

Literally, I could be twirling from the ceiling with gold dust coming out of my ass i.e. degrees, promotions, growing savings account ...... over there thinking I'm REALLY doing something but guess what?

HE DOESN'T VALUE IT!  So.... according to the chart.... Unless I am willing to get a better body, become more spontaneous and sexually adventurous...... I don't stand a chance because our VALUES are NOT in alignment!

So... NOW let's apply this to CAREER STRATEGY (see table below)

I've been in this situation a million times and Lord knows I am a patient woman.....
Sometimes it works to my advantage... other times... it results in missed opportunity.  So this exercise is incredibly important and SHOUD be applied and AUDITED on a regular basis....

REMEMBER - Time is precious.... you will never get it back.... And there is nothing worse than being my age knowing that I COULD HAVE made changes.... I knew better..... and I didn't cut my losses quickly enough.

Out of 11 Possible Qualities - Only 4 Match

Do you see the problem here?

So - when you find yourself in this situation.... you can to do the following:

• Make sure your list is as honest as possible on both sides.  You can even take it a step further and group qualities together by most important, somewhat important etc.
• Making sure this framework is as precise as possible before taking it to the analysis level will be key - so if you're going to do this exercise... don't half ass it - make it as detailed as possible because in all honestly.... your life, your future, your happiness, and your peace of mind depends on it!  Allow a second and third set of eyes to review it so YOU can also be held accountable - You know... we often times believe the lies we tell ourselves (another blog post about that coming soon LOL) 
• Decide if you are willing to evolve and showcase the qualities that your employer values
• Make sure that IF you decide to do that, that it's not moving you out of your authenticity because (a) it won't be believable and (b) it will only make you bitter and resentful even if you can 'fake it'.
• Document what you think the outcome will be IF you do make strategy adjustments and do a quarterly check in to determine if you hypothesis is correct.

PS - This is also a valuable exercise for employees who are wanting to quantify their 'worth' as they climb the organizational ladder -

Fortunately or unfortunately... this way of thinking comes naturally to me.

Because of it.... I have no friends LOL and I'm NOT very fun and spontaneous.... Unless I'm drunk... which is why my husband has me on a champagne or vodka drip LOL.... but not really a LOL  - because that's a true story.

What I can tell you is that I am at the extreme to the far right with these principles....

Most people are to the left of the center because this way of thinking isn't taught in school which is incredibly unfortunate.

Give it a try... and I am happy to help set up up the table for you!  I'm telling you.... if you look at life in this fashion.... it REALLY helps with accountability, honesty and transparency...  I've set up a table like this to define my expectations for my son and my husband... It just is what it is.... and as long as you're honest with yourself when creating it... Its a quick reference for when values, expectations, and deliverables start to shift... It allows for a platform to resolve tough issues respectfully and with honor.